Last month I was fortunate enough to invite my neighbor over for orange olive oil cardamom cake in the afternoon and talk about life.
We normally waive and say hi, but I had made a cake, and we had more than we wanted. We also know his wife is out of town for the next few months as she is back home visiting family.
It was a beautiful spring day. Hot in the sun. Cool in the shade. The Midwest humidity hadn’t started, so it didn’t feel like I was bathing outside. The leaves are starting to fill out the trees. The early flowers are in full bloom with more on the way.
The afternoon felt timeless.
As I sat there, I couldn’t help but think, “This is what winning at life feels like.” I don’t always feel that way. And I know in many of the conversations I have with friends and clients, they don’t always feel like they are winning at life.
But, I think many of us have already won in life, we just don’t recognize it.
My neighbor and I chat about typical neighbor things — weather, family, and the quietness of the neighborhood.
That day it went a little deeper.
As we talked about travel, the topic of solo travel came up. As someone who has done his fair share of solo travel, I enjoy it, but also prefer traveling with people.
He said something that struck me, “What’s the point of it if there is nobody there to share it with?”
He went on to explain he enjoys golfing, but golfing alone is a strange activity. He said, “If you get a hole in one, who is going to believe you? Nobody gets to witness it with you.”
You can celebrate by yourself, but it’s a different experience doing it with others.
I’m a firm believer that we want a witness to our lives, and if you have that, you are winning. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a spouse, though that is often the closest, most understanding witness. It could be friends, parents, children, siblings, colleagues, or others in your life.
As you step outside today, think about the people in your life. Who do you get to share it with? Think about the shared experiences. Think about the laughter, sadness, and hard times. Think about the growth and changing relationship.
In a world where it feels like success is being measured more and more by money, fame, or status, what if we measured it by the closeness of our relationships?
That feels like winning. And you may already be winning.
Good Health
Mike Goodwin comically sums up worries in life — there are only two things to worry about in life: whether you are healthy or whether you are sick.
It’s an excellent reminder that almost nothing else matters if you are sick.
If you have any doubt about it, go wander through a pediatric hospital, a cancer center, or an emergency room.
I remember spending every three weeks for about a year and a half at a cancer center with my dad. You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to switch places with anybody receiving treatment.
Their bodies were withering away. They moved slowly. They were tied to treatment or they would die.
As I get farther away from my dad’s cancer treatment, it’s easy to take for granted my health, though with a wife in healthcare, I still get frequent reminders.
The average life expectancy in 1900 at birth was 47.3. Now, it’s nearly 80!
Think about that for a moment. Think about how much longer you get to experience life today compared to someone born in 1900. For most people, it’s 20 or 30 years.
What good things have happened in the past 20 or 30 years in your life?
Was the fact that you got to experience them a win in life?
Everyday Comforts
1 in 4 people in the world still lack access to safe drinking water. That’s 2.1 billion people.
If you are reading this, you likely have easy access to safe drinking water.
It’s easy to feel like you are lacking luxuries when vacations, private jets, fancy cars, and large homes are paraded across your tiny, medium, large, and extra large screens.
We didn’t used to see how others outside of our income and wealth brackets lived. We couldn’t make the comparison. They would silently take their vacation. We would never see inside their homes. We had no idea how often they were buying new cars.
Now there are shows dedicated to showing you inside their homes, articles about luxurious vacations, and social media posts of their latest car.
In the past, we only saw our neighbors down the street and how they lived. And since we lived in the same neighborhood, chances are that we had similar resources.
There wasn’t as big of a disparity. Now you get to see how a billionaire lives and how much of it you don’t have.
But, what do you have that people 50 or 100 years ago didn’t have? What are those everyday comforts that we can be thankful for?
I can think of a few:
- Running, drinkable water: step back into time in 1900, and there is a good chance you wouldn’t have been able to fill up your glass with water.
- Fruit year-round: I can get a kiwi, pineapple, mango, starfruit, and almost any other fruit in the middle of winter when it’s below zero.
- Heating and cooling: I don’t have to wake up in the winter to start a fire to stay warm. I also don’t have to suffer from the heat and humidity in the summer. I tell a machine exactly what temperature we want to be at any time.
- Internet: Not sure of something? Look it up. We have more information at our fingertips than ever before. (Yes, there are downsides to this if not used responsibly.)
- Cars and planes: I don’t have to worry about getting dysentery on the Oregon trail. I can hop in my car or take a flight and be across the United States in a few hours or across the world in a day. Imagine telling someone from England in 1850 that you were going to be in the United States in less than 10 hours.
- Garbage collection: Instead of burning it or burying it, you set it at your curb and it disappears.
- Lighting: Instead of fumbling to turn on your oil lantern, you flip a switch and light appears.
- Spices: You can go to the store and get practically any spice imaginable. I had no idea until writing this what was involved in creating vanilla. It blooms for a single day and is usually pollinated by hand.
The list goes on: toothpaste, medical care, sewage, GPS, knowledge about diseases, food variety, and more.
Think about what people 100 years ago had access to. I laugh thinking about telling them what we have today. They would say you won at life.
Or as the Costco person at the door checking receipts once told us, “You’ve got some great stuff. I’d wake up happy.”
Control Over Your Time
We all wish we had 100% control over our time. Most of us don’t, at least not yet — we have to work to earn a living.
Retirees are the exception. Once you are financially independent, you get to choose how you want to spend your time. Work doesn’t get a say. You are able to decide how many family commitments you want to make, how often to volunteer, and how you want your days to be spent.
Most of us have some control over our time. That’s a win. Sometimes we give up our time in exchange for things we don’t really want.
That could be more work responsibility for pay that doesn’t change lives, not setting boundaries with family, or scrolling social media too much.
I know many financial planners who own their own firm. Many of them are solo like me. A few are trying to build larger firms.
Solo financial planning firms are fascinating because you can earn a good living, make a huge impact on clients’ lives, and have a lot of control over your time.
But, we are told growth, growth, growth! If you aren’t growing, you are dying! And then we hear stories of firms rapidly growing that plants seeds of doubt. Am I doing it wrong? Should I be trying to grow?
Many hop on the bandwagon of trying to grow. They trade their time for different sets of problems. I know a few who have backtracked.
I’ve talked with many solo financial planners and asked them, “Why would you give this up?” You get time with your child, don’t have to work with 100+ clients like a larger firm would expect, and control what hours you work.
Is it okay to float in the stable and uncomfortable?
I try to go out on my family’s rowboat every summer for at least a few rides. I love going over the water and moving, but there is also something peaceful and relaxing about simply floating and seeing where the tide takes you.
I find many people reach a milepost or goal they set for themselves long ago, and that previous version of them would have been thrilled to be where they are today, but for some reason, they aren’t. So, they continue making decisions that trade more of their time for things that are less important.
I’m not saying we don’t deserve more vacation or fewer working hours. We do. We also should stop and recognize we are winning at life when we get to spend evenings next to our partners, join a friend for dinner, go to a child’s birthday party, go on a long roadtrip, and take a two week vacation.
Control over your time is one of the best ways to win at life.
Consistent Income
For those with a job that pays them consistently, are you not winning at life?
If you can afford your bills, enjoy something your parents may have not been able to afford growing up, and save for the future, you are doing better than most.
You have a skill someone is willing to pay for! You’ve shown someone you are reliable, can solve problems, and help create change.
I know it’s simple. I know we all want more.
But let’s just think about what it means to not have to worry about how you are going to pay for food, handle a copay for a doctor’s visit, or pay for your child or grandchild’s birthday gift.
Not everybody gets to have that feeling.
In a world where you get to see how people who are ten times richer than you live, it’s hard to remember the smaller things you take for granted. It’s hard to remember you are winning, even if others have more. It’s a reminder that comparison can cause resentment.
I’m not immune to it. I take for granted my ability to earn an income, even though a few years ago I was paying to work as I launched my business.
Winning at life means finding peace with your income, while still getting what you’re worth, and being content with how it compares to others.
Final Thoughts – My Question for You
More of us are winning at life without knowing it.
It’s easy to want more, compare ourselves to what others have (or appear to have), and forget what we wake up with every day.
When we make those comparisons without grounding ourselves in our everyday blessings, we are tempted to trade our time for things we think will help us win at life, but the opposite often ends up happening.
We trade more of our time for a life that looks less like the one we wanted.
I’ll leave you with one question to act on.
How are you winning at life?
